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Personal Life

A Time to Say Goodbye

A dear friend of mine passed away on Saturday. I got the call from his sister today. She had been trying to contact me for a few days to let me know. It was a devastating call and a heartbreaking story. You see Robert had diabetes and did not take care of himself. He thought since he felt fine most of the time  he could just let it go without doing the necessary things he needed to do to take care of himself. Friday night he felt a lot of pain so he took a pain pill to relieve it so he could get some sleep and unfortunately he got the sleep of his lifetime. He never woke up form his evenening slumber.

Robert and I met sometime in 1982. Jackie and I were out and about one day and I think we went to see the movie The Fog. I remember we were suppose to me these guys that she had talked to. Anyway, long story short, we met up and Robert and I hit if off. Funny thing I remember that evening being really foggy too and the guys trying to scare us. I remember thinking he was too old for me since he was 3 years older and already graduated from HS. But we still exchanged numbers and started dating.

Anyway, we dated for a long time but right around early 1984 we (I) broke up. You know, I really do not remember why. Hmm, amazing how our memory fails us when we get old. Well, he wanted to pursue a friendship and I was ok with that, so he would call me once in a while and we would talk and catch up on stuff. I remember when I fell in love with my husband, married him and moved to Germany, I look back now and realized how much that hurt Robert. I was stupid and naive and did not realize how much he still was in love with me at that time.

When he moved half way across the USA we said our goodbyes and I really thought we would never see or talk to each other again. But good old Robert would never let me down he always kept in touch. We would write, send b-day cards, Christmas cards, call 3 or 4 times a year and then the wonders of technology came into being and we got texting. So we would text now and then to see how each other was doing and just keep up on life.

He went through a lot of ups and downs, ins and outs in his life and a lot of struggles. But one thing Robert always had was a smile on his face. Even though I did not see him in person all these years, you could hear it in his text messages and in his voice, that smile. I did get to see him about 6 years ago. He got to meet my son Vincent when he came to California and stayed with his friend Mark for a while and I could not let him come back here after sooo many years and not see him. It was great to see him. He was a little thin up top and I was a little thick on the bottom…LOL. So I guess it evened itself out! We just talked for hours trying to tell each other of each others lives all in a few short hours while Vincent ran around Marks backyard. When we parted I felt as if this would be the last time I would ever see him. I would have never thought I was to be so right. I thought it was going to be because he would not be able to afford to come back to CA again not because he would die so very young because of diabetes.

I have mixed feelings of guilt of the birthdays that I forgot, the Christmas' I forgot to send a card, the call I never returned etc. they have all come flooding back into my head at this very moment and I feel so broken hearted. I have always been one who does not grieve for long over a dead loved one, even when my father died. What is gone is gone and it can not come back, but the guilt holds on to me right now.

Robert, I hope that someday when the good Lord takes me home I will get a chance to wish you all those happy birthdays and Merry Christmas and return those phones calls that I missed or at least apologize for forgetting. I hope to see you up there in heaven seated next to Jesus. I hope the times I talked to you about Jesus that there was a small seed planted in your heart, enough to pass you through the pearly gates. I pray that one day I will be able to knock on your heavenly door to borrow a cup of sugar. LOL! You will be very missed but never forgotten!

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